Regrets

"Don't worry. This just a tough time." I said, reassuring myself.

When I was her age, I never felt that way.
But now she's crying, every single day.

When I was her age, our parents was still there.
But now she's begging for them attention, every single time.

When I was her age, I didn't know what divorce means. All I knew was we're going to last forever.
But now she's seeing us, broken. Yell, scream, cry every single fight.

I wish I can go back in time, fix everything alright.
I wish I can take their pain, put away their frown.
I wish I can give red, erase all the blue on them.

I wish I can start over, so that I know how the feels of being a forever.

Friendly reminder

Look at those beautiful faces.
At their age, they've faced the world.

They're the strongest person I've ever known.
Believe me or not
They can hold their tears
They can hold the pain inside
They smile all the way they can, even tho everyone is dragging them down

"How they can be so strong?" I asked myself.

But at the night, I realized how fragile they are.
They cried, they hid they tears behind the pillow.
"Are you okay?" Asked me.
They kept the silent.
"Come on" me, tried to make them stop.
They didn't say anything.
Until finally they shake their head.
"No, I'm alright."

It just..
Hurts me inside.
How can I let everything went wrong without I even noticing it?

Fuck myself.

God, if someday I already gone..
Tell them I love them.
Tell them that they're the best present I've got in my life.
Tell them I'm proud of them...
More than anyone could imagine.

God, if you need them to be your little angels.
Just please, let them be right by your side.
Nothing deserve better than them.
Please.

Tuesday, August 18th 2015.
10:30 pm.
Indonesia.

-Me

Untitled

Mom is just too busy with her new husband
Grandpa is still trying those new technologies
Dad.... He barely meet us.

Who's gonna teach my sister?
Who's gonna play with my brother?

Lmao. They don't have time for us. Even to turn the TV off.

Probably I'm going insane.

Let's Stop This

Why am I smiling when I read his texts?
Why am I wondering what is he doing?
Why do I miss him this way?
The fuck.
It shouldn't be like this.
He cheated.
Why should I care about him?
I should've killed this feeling in the first place.
This is wrong.
I need to stop this.