insecurity

maybe reason behind the staring isn't because they think that you're pretty.

maybe it's all wrong.

they stare because they are wondering,

what has happened to THAT face— yours.

thoughts.

at first I thought I hated you.
I blocked every account you have.
I stopped asnwering our friend's messages— that keep asking me about "how is it going between you two?"

I thought I hated you.
I became so angry whenever I see tagged photos of you— and your new girl; smiling like you are the happiest person in this world.
my sudden mood swing went crazy those days.

but then I realized that
I didn't even hate you.
I loved you— I still am.

I hated that you can be happy without me.
I hated that you smile because of her and not me.
I hated that I want me to be the only one that can make you laugh at 2 a.m.
I hated that I still care about you, so much— but you don't.

those blocking things
happened because I'm afraid I didn't have enough courage to see your smile hanging on it.

our friend's message gets old
happened because I'm not ready to hear your latest news— that you make a holiday with your new girl.

the ignored photos of you
happened because I'm jealous.

shit.
I miss you.

Yeay

Blessed, blessed, blessed.

Alhamdulillah.