Tenth of July

To : parents.

Listen to me. For now. For once. For the last. I promise I won't ask more.
Think about it. Please. Yes, I do want your attention.

If you think you did us good. You're right. I thank God for that. I thank God for you guys.

If you think you did us right. No. We're not alright.

Let's face it. You did wrong, so much wrong. I'm sorry to say.

If you think I'm alright. You're wrong. If you think I'm stable. I'm not. You think I'm happy? I cried some nights to sleep. Ever think about it?

No. Fuck. This isn't about me. Forget about me. I've got myself. I've got Him.

It's about them. Your children. My sister. My broter.

You think they're happy? No. You think you did them good? Cmon you guys can do better. They're broken.

You think they'd be happy seeing you guys yell at each other? No. You think they'd happy seeing their mom marry another man? I don't think so. You think they're happy for not seeing their dad for months? Fuck, no!

As a normal child, you think they're happy seeing their parents divorced? No!

I did leave them. I did. I was too busy to save myself. I'm stupid. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry if I talked too much but here's details that I wanted ask you since this long.

To mom : you said you'll be here. Where were you? You never listen to sister. Who did that? Dad. You never know. You never listen to us. You always go out nowhere. And she still love you. She fucking is.

To dad : sorry to say, you lied too much. How many times they got disappointed? They wanted to meet you. Having conversation with you. The thing that they'd never get from a thing named parents.

To ayah : thank you. Idk. I never talked so much to you. I actually still think that you're only my mom's husband, but not my dad. Sorry.

Nevertheless, thank you. I'm sorry this is just beyond everything. I'm actually tired, hearing a thing from dad, say it to mom, she denied it, sent a long paragraph, wishing that I'd tell dad.

No. I'm just a kid. I'm still your kid. I miss the time we spent together as a family. You, me, them. As a family. Not to see both mom and dad talked shit about each other. You broke my world. You lost me. I lost myself as a kid. As your kid. I don't know what family means, I don't know what home is.

Don't let them lost it, too. They're still doing their childhood. Childhood never happened twice.

I never talked about it to you. I've tried to. You attacked me back. I didn't know what to do. Sorry to say, people said parents aren't supposed to hurt their children. I don't know. I'm sorry. I hope I'm wrong.

Sincerely, me—the unwanted one, probably the problem; who always make du'a for you guys after shalat, insyaallah.